On Rest
What does rest mean to you?
As we head into the final hours of 2025, I've been thinking a lot about the topic of rest, and my complicated relationship with it.
For many years, I have had two modes - go go go and complete and utter shutdown. Between work and parenting, there was very little time for rest, and even vacation time meant no meaningful break from emotional and domestic labour. No relief from the mental load.
Even before I had kids I filled my time with volunteering, activism, blogging and community-oriented stuff. I'm hard-wired to stay busy.
But it's not a sustainable lifestyle, especially as one ages, and especially when kids enter the picture. Suddenly your time is not all your own, and while the initial anxiety that comes with the sheer responsibility of keeping other beings alive stabilizes as they get older and more independent, there are new problems that emerge. Especially if you've got kids that have different brains, or different ways of interacting with the world.
It's so easy to become completely consumed with Responsibility - to job, to family, to whatever you've taken on - and so easy for your responsibility to your own health and well-being to take a back seat. You think it's just while the kids are young. It's just temporary. But there's always a new complication lurking, something that needs to come first. Aging parents. Extended family drama. A community crisis. Kids' educational or social challenges. Friends who need support. Health challenges.
Evening hours become so precious but you just want to retreat into a good book or movies with explosions or a cozy beverage at a local watering whole with your sweetie who is just as overwhelmed as you are.
Social media offers the illusion of connection - and to be fair, the community that I have built and maintained on various channels have yielded rich friendships and an incredible sense of belonging - but it can so easily suck up your time and attention, at the expense, of IRL connection, conversation, relationships.
Months go by. Years. Decades. And you find yourself in a position where taking time to rest is no longer optional, but essential to maintain the energy to keep being your best self and work, at home, with friends and loved ones. But how? How to rest when the demands never cease?
Shutting down isn't it. It might help restore energy in the short term, but tasks get undone, mental health suffers, relationships falter. There are consequences.
So I've finally had to admit to myself that I am pretty crappy at resting. And I've been thinking about what kinds of activities gives me fuel and fire. Pondering what I need for real rest and respite, and considering the importance of modeling more healthy coping habits for my kids as they shift into adulthood.
This holiday I have been making a bit more of an effort. Not piling on the activities, but creating or saying yes to opportunities to connect, to reflect, to make small adjustments to set me on a better pathway. Much of this has involved connecting with friends in meaningful ways, and I am so lucky to have a lot of incredible people around me. It's also meant dialing down all the expectations I place on myself to Make Christmas Magical, saying no to some events, and focusing on hanging with the people I love the most.
It's been busy and chill at the same time. Weird. But definitely good weird.
